Let's Eat Cake!

If you’re looking for updates on Luke, please visit this blog .  Otherwise, continue with the debauchery below.  Thank you.

. . .by letting you all know the new 5-day morning after pill has been approved by the FDA.  To quote my crazy, sexy friend, Tanya Razi, “The 19-year-olds have it so easy now!!  When I was their age, I had to walk 5 miles in the snow, uphill both ways, within 2 days of accidentally fucking someone.”

Gotta love it.

The only problem I have is with this technicality:  “Rearchers found that the pill was not as effective in heavier women, but the committee voted against a warning label on the drug for obese women.” 

In looking further, it seems all birth control pills become less effective the higher a woman’s BMI is.  In fact, “The risk of pregnancy is more than 70 percent higher in women with a BMI greater than 32.2.”  

Whoa!  Doesn’t that seem kind of important??  I’m shocked they don’t put this on the label.  Hey fat friends!  You might want to seriously consider using a back up method of contraception if you’re using the pill!  

Aside from the (dangerous, irresponsible) discrimination, this really is a great, positive step.  The more options we can give women, the better.  Regardless of HOW they ended up being unprotected, the last thing anyone needs is an unwanted pregnancy. 

Yay for progress.

Did you know gay men have been prohibited from donating blood since 1983?

When I first heard this, I was outraged.  HIV being a “gay disease” is such an unfair stigma.  A gay man is no more likely to have HIV than the average irresponsible American heterosexual.  

After doing a little research, it turns out I was wrong.  I’m still outraged, but now for different reasons. 

As it turns out, HIV is a gay disease!  Read it and weep.

No matter how you cut it, MSM (men who have sex with men - catchy, no?) contribute to the highest cases of HIV infection per year.  Unless someone has some spectacular piece of evidence to the contrary, I’m gonna have to accept that as plausible.

However, we have to remember to look at things objectively and critically, especially statistics.  Yes, of all the HIV carriers, a large portion of them are gay.  But that does NOT mean that the majority of gay people have HIV.   

Even without these numbers, the system is flawed.  Here’s the part that really pisses me off:  “Before giving blood, all men are asked if they have had sex, even once, with another man since 1977. Those who say they have are permanently banned from donating. The FDA said those men are at increased risk of infection by HIV.”

Since 1977.  That’s before I was born.  Isn’t there some kind of expiration date on HIV?  If not, what is the use in getting tested every year, if it can just show up decades later?  The question shouldn’t be, “Have you had gay sex, ever,” it should be, “Have you had unprotected sex, with anyone (male or female) in the last year?” 

My bigger issue is, why are these questions even being asked?  As House would say, “Everyone lies.”  You think the homophobic prick who secretly likes it in the ass is gonna fess up to some blood collector at the local blood bank?  He can’t even admit it to himself.  We are ALL saints when it comes to our sexuality. 

This is a blood bank – they have, “New and improved tests, which can detect HIV-positive donors within just 10 to 21 days of infection.”  Problem solved right?

Of course not.  The FDA said it would change its policy if given data that shows doing so wouldn’t pose a “significant and preventable” risk to blood recipients.

“It is a way of saying, ‘Whatever was presented to us was not sufficient to make us change our minds,”’ Dr. Celso Bianco, executive vice president of America’s Blood Centers said.

The Red Cross has denied allegations that this is a discriminatory practice.  After all, “Anyone who’s used intravenous drugs or been paid for sex also is permanently barred from donating blood.” 

Oh, that’s reassuring.  Now, along with pedophiles and rapists, gay men are being compared with drug addicts and hookers. 

What a wonderful world we live in.

When I was a young, relatively hippy mother of 18, I was somewhat interested in taking the placenta from my daughter’s birth, heating it down to ash, placing a small portion of the ash in some kind of leather hippy satchel with a crystal, and hanging it above my daughter’s crib. 

Hey, I was 18.  Someone told me it would ward off demons or something.

Anyway, all of these whimsical fancies immediately flew out the window the minute I saw that thing come out of me.  That was a long time ago, but I still remember the very brief glimpse I had, and the resulting nightmares of chopped liver, roadkill and meatloaf. 

Well, someone has now taken creepy to a whole new level.

Enter: Placenta Bear

Yeah, it’s exactly what it looks like.  

( . . . ) Green started making his Placenta teddy bears in January 2008, experimenting with an animal’s placenta first to perfect the technique. The placenta must first be cured with salt to kill bacteria and remove water. Green then softens the dried organ with a mixture of eggs and tannins.

Once he cuts and sews the bears, Green fills them with brown rice. Most end up to be 5 inches tall.

“It’s more heavy than you’d imagine — they’re more the sort of thing that you’d stick on a mantel pieces,” said Green. “It feels soft, somewhere between leather and suede but it’s much more flexible than leather — it’s bendy.”

Can you imagine a child touching this, much less carrying it around?  Images from the Silence of the Lambs come to mind.

In fact, as a special Hump Day treat to you all, enjoy the following video brought to you by GreensKeepers:

Looks like Mel Gibson has finally shown the world how much of a racist, misogynistic prick he really is.  Evidently being a wife beater wasn’t enough; now he’s gone and used the “N-word,” and better yet, it was recorded by his ex-girlfriend.  The audio was released this weekend.

So what did he say, exactly? 

“You look like a fucking bitch in heat, and if you get raped by a pack of niggers, it will be your fault.”

Wow.  He somehow covered racism, sexism and misogyny in one very short sentence. 

Not to mention his blaming the woman if she were raped, “It would be your fault.”  What an asshole.  I don’t care if I walk down the street naked with a big target on my asshole.  If I don’t say yes, the answer is NO.  Are men so weak-minded and undeveloped that they are incapable of controlling their urges when presented with the basic function of a hard-on?  Or maybe it’s just black men.       

Mel’s talent agency immediately dropped him when the news was released.  While I’m a little pissy this didn’t happen when he admitted to knocking out two of his baby mama’s teeth while she was holding the baby, sometimes it takes something as lawsuity as the N-word to force a bunch of white guys to act. 

Perhaps this will be the wake up call Mel needs.  Not that he’s ever at risk of being broke, but maybe when he stops getting the million-dollar roles it might force him to look at his attitude.  Listening to the audio, he sounds incredibly angry and lost.  He needs a complete emotional and mental tune-up. 

I guess the moral of this story is that money really can’t buy you happiness.   

Former Arkansas Governor, Mike Huckabee, recently claimed that an inherent “ick factor” of homosexuality plays a part in his opposition to same-sex marriage.  Let’s put aside the fact that nobody else is talking about sex when discussing same-sex marriage, and focus on this supposed “ick factor.” 

Huckabee should know better; after all, he is from Arkansas. 

Let’s play a quick game of “Who would you rather. . .” with these fine specimens of the queer variety. . .

Orrrrr, for examples of Arkansas’ finest, just go to my favorite display of human depravity, People of Wal*Mart.

Better yet, just close your eyes for a minute and imagine Mr. Huckabee himself doing God’s work with his wife of 33 years.

ICK.

This guy is a piece of work.  He also directly relates homosexuality (and polyamory, I might add) with beastiality.

Ironically, two days after reading this article, I came across yet another group of law makers citing a different kind of ick factor, this time having the legal authority to back it up.

So they’d rather leave animals helpless to abuse and death, instead of taking five minutes to discuss this yucky subject, which no self-respecting person would oppose in a public forum?  To what, save face? 

Seems like our country is being run by some very selfish people.

Have you nominated your favorite sex bloggers for the Top Sex Bloggers 2010 list yet? Just leave a comment with your favorites before July 31st.

There is a new device for women that is sure to bring down the number of rapes each year.  Rape aXe has come out with a female condom. . . with teeth (ok, spikes).  If an unfortunate man were to rape a woman wearing this condom, “Jagged rows of teeth-like hooks line its inside and attach on a man’s penis during penetration.”  As you might imagine, this causes extreme pain, and it has to be surgically removed, thereby outting him to the authorities.

Take a look at this bad boy:

This new tool has received some harsh criticism.  Take a look at this article, and read the pathetic comments, if you can stomach it.  Here are some choice phrases from the misogynistic group of future rapists who apparently make up the sole readership of that site.

Comment by smoode on June 21, 2010 at 11:58am:   this evil bitch! promoting that lesbian shit

Comment by Dez DaRealest on June 20, 2010 at 11:30pm:  I could just see a woman using this to get at her cheating boyfriend. This shit shouldn’t have been created, because these trifling American hoes will misuse it.

 Comment by E-Z. on June 20, 2010 at 11:29pm:  Women need to stop being so stingy with the pussy.. 

Comment by E-Z. on June 20, 2010 at 11:26pm:  Picture I wanna smash this feminist mother.. and she forgot her little bear trap in her stretched up vagina. Amma have to go to the doctor to remove her feminist ‘torture’ device? Huh!?

Comment by Moz on June 20, 2010 at 9:02pm:  Majority of rapes that are reported are false any damn way. So this is just a new form of entrapment. Especially for athletes. Niggas just finger em first. But I can understand having this product in like 3rd world countries tho. Because real rape actually occurs there. Unlike fake as US rapes from drunk chicks regretting it next morning.

I kinda feel like I don’t have to comment on this, except to say that there are pages and pages of comments just like the ones above.  Moving on.

Let’s talk about the pros and cons of this “medieval torture device.”  Some of the fears surrounding it are that the pain will piss men off so bad they might lash out even worse.  I don’t know, what do you men think?  If you had spikes jammed into your cock, you’d get a little panicky, right?  Are you going to be more concerned with getting that thing off you, or getting revenge?  I’d like to think that if a man were suddenly in excruciating pain and bleeding from his dick, I’d be able to take advantage of his “handicap,” and either kill the motherfucker or get the hell out of there.

The only true downfall I can see to this is that once men catch on, they will be able to use their finger to test the waters first (what a disgusting thought).  I can’t imagine a rapist taking the time or being level headed enough to think of that first, but the possibility is definitely there. 

They say it disempowers women, giving them the sense that they are unsafe.  I’ve said it before, and I will repeat – women have to be vigilant.  The fact is, rape happens, and wearing this condom is no more disempowering than carrying a can of mace (and as a woman who does, I can attest to the confidence it gives me).

They say that most weapons carried by women end up being used against them.  Now women can use the only weapons rapists have (their cock and the need for power) against them. 

Talk about empowering.

Have you nominated your favorite sex bloggers for the Top Sex Bloggers 2010 list yet? Just leave a comment with your favorites before July 31st.

Nominate me for the 2010 Sexiest Blogger Awards.  Just go here, and type  www.letseatcake.org  into the comments!

It’s fast and easy and would seriously make my day.

Thanks guys!

I’ve been absent.  I feel like I’m neglecting my sex-positive, poly minded readers, and have choked them with Cancer.  Well fuck, cancer does that, ya know?

And the truth is, polyamory has taken a backseat, for me at least.  I was fortunate enough that when Luke was diagnosed, I wasn’t in a long term relationship with anyone else.  I am not sure what it would have been like if I’d still been with Myke, for example.  I imagine our relationship would have just fizzled, as most of my time and attention is focused on Luke right now.  I’m glad it didn’t happen that way.

And now?  Sure, we’re still poly.  I just have absolutely no interest in dating anyone else right now.  Luke and I were never poly because we weren’t meeting each others needs; we do it because it’s the best way for us to be truly honest with each other.  And no, it’s not always fun, but it’s real. And the reality is, at this exact moment, frivolous things like random sex and flirting and infatuation are just that – frivolous.  The real substance of life and love exists right here between us.

Of course it’s not just about sex.  For us, I know openness is about sharing of many kinds, and there are people in both our lives whom we share love with, and whom our hearts still grow fonder toward.  Spending time with those people requires the same honesty that sleeping with a new person would, because we’re giving parts of our lives and hearts to them.  But these are people who were already in our lives, firmly planted in our hearts well before cancer ever forced its way in. 

Still. . . to me, poly is about “being open to experiences with other people,” (whether they be physical or emotional), and on a romantic level, I’m just not open to that.  I’d make a horrible date right now anyway, always checking my phone and probably talking about Luke way too much.  I guess for now I’d consider myself a non-practicing poly.  Ha. 

The recent changes in our life have forced me to redefine everything.  Relationships, life plans, future goals.  I am cultivating my life garden, weeding out the bad and nurturing the good.  I went through my Facebook and deleted anyone I haven’t heard from since Luke’s diagnosis.  If you are my friend, and are aware of the struggles in my life, and haven’t said a word to me about it - I don’t consider you a friend.  It felt so good to spring clean that part of my life, and to know that every single person on there has offered their support, and is in our corner.

On and on we go.  Right now I’m focusing on trying to really live, instead of letting a giant clock dominate us.  Instead of counting the days til his next scan, or chemo session, I’m trying to make each day count.

Have you nominated your favorite sex bloggers for the Top Sex Bloggers 2010 list yet? Just leave a comment with your favorites before July 31st.

There is a lot of rationale used in how to deal with jealousy, but the truth is, no amount of rationalizing can override that raw emotion.  As someone who struggles with jealousy, and whose true desire for openness conflicts with those feelings, this was a depressing realization.  Then I read this quote from Tristan Taormino, a well-known sex educator:

“By all accounts, an open marriage is hard work. Yet the sort of people who go about an open relationship in a sensible manner will devote themselves to unpicking possessive and jealous instincts as much as they can.  Our automatic response is ‘You’re mine and nobody else is gonna have you,’ even if your higher motives are: I want freedom and I want you to have freedom.”

Wow.  It’s like she paraphrased my own thoughts on the subject.  She also says people unpick the instincts.  Doesn’t that seem like a contradiction?  How do you unpick something if it’s instinctual?  The answer is something I wasn’t expecting:

Compersion.

I am not a fan of compersion, not because I don’t think it’s great in theory – I just think it’s unrealistic in practice.  For those who don’t know, compersion is when you no longer feel jealousy, but in fact feel joy at your partner’s outside pursuits.  Joy.  This is such a stretch for me.  It’s not that I’m not ok with the idea of my partner being with other women, but I certainly don’t revel in it.  I’m not one of those people fortunate enough to get turned on by thought of my partner doing dirty things to other girls.  I wish I was.   

So for me, compersion is about as far reaching of a concept as monogamy.  I’ve also had some negative experiences in the “poly community,” where particularly haughty couples have literally looked down their noses and condemned me for experiencing (or admitting) jealousy.  “Jealousy is about insecurity, it’s a wasted emotion,” they sneer.  ”We practice compersion.”  Try to imagine a fat, balding man with a martini glass practically purring as he says the word.  So yeah, I’m a little jaded.

But as Taormino puts it, “Compersion is what you feel when you have reprogrammed your brain not to feel jealousy any more.  Jealousy is learnt behaviour, reinforced by everything from complex German opera to advertising.  Compersion aims to work with the heat and passion of jealousy and turn it into pleasure at seeing or knowing your other half is enjoying pleasure. It’s the sort of sympathetic joy that most people can only identify with from watching their kids have a great time.”

As one person describes it, ”It’s an almost spiritual state of being. There is a real power to being able to empathise with your other half’s feelings for their other lover. It is powerful because it is hard, but once you experience it, you find an emotional freedom that changes the way you view relationships.”

The key ingredient I’ve been missing with compersion is that it’s reprogramming your brain, and the understanding that it isn’t easy.   I also read this, from one of my commenters*, who really put the concept of compersion into focus for me.  “Maybe instead of instantly reacting to those feelings, consciously ask yourself, ‘Am I REALLY jealous? Or is this just a default reaction because this is how I learned to view love and relationships and sex?’  In other words, so much of what I know to be jealousy was a learned response: I was socialized to believe my partner should only love me, and I them, and if anyone else liked them, touched them, played with them, or had sex with them, I was supposed to be jealous.  It was expected, and so was all the attendant drama that ensued when acting out around it.”

So maybe compersion isn’t so unattainable.  Maybe with practice, we can learn to unlearn, and retrain the brain until the automatic response is happiness instead of jealousy.

But how does one begin that process?   

*Forgive me, I don’t know who said this, if it was you please raise your hand!